The Ice Palace

Alone on Valentine’s day. Miserable. I went to visit friends out of town this weekend hoping it would make me forget all about my situation, and how it’s making me feel. I was hoping that it would give me the strength and courage to face this, and do what I need to do. It didn’t.

I am sitting here waiting for S. to call me so I can confront him on things. Why? He’s not ever going to tell me the answers I want. He is never going to tell me that he is married, or looking for other women on line, or using me, or what ever the hell he is doing. He’s never going to admit that all of this was a big game… for what I don’t know… I will never know. That is just going to have to be enough for me. I am just going to have to find a way to move on with my life without him.

Even if all of this was a huge mistake, he’s not willing to fight for our relationship, and I am better than that. I hate that I have to end this. I hate that all of my dreams are over. I hate that everything I thought was real, isn’t.

Why? Why did he come into my life and do what he has done to me? Doesn’t he see that he has hurt another human being? Doesn’t he care how much this will effect me for the rest of my life? Doesn’t he see how this will continue to effect people around me and my future happiness? Hw can someone do that to another person. I will never understand this.