The Ice Palace

I have lots of hobbies. I truly enjoy that. I get out, and meet people, and laugh and live. I had a friend tell me “she doesn’t wear the badge of busy”. I think if that works for you, then awesome. However, I don’t feel like I am too busy. I feel like I am living a full life and that works for me. I wasn’t always like that though. I always did the hobbies my husband/boyfriend wanted to do. I didn’t go do things *I* wanted to do unless I had someone with me.

I am so thankful for the lessons I have learned in my life in the last nine years. I don’t ever want to go back to being that person.

I used to be a desperate individual. I don’t ever want to NEED a man in my life so bad that I feel depressed if I don’t have one. I thought if I didn’t have a date, or a boyfriend constantly that I was less of a person. I thought that if I went to events and family gatherings without a man I would some how be chastised. I was delusional. I let myself be abused, put down, used, stolen from, belittled, and cheated on… all in the name of “love”.  I stayed with one man because I thought that if I left him I would have no place to go, that I somehow NEEDED him to support and take care of me and the kids. I was wrong, and I suffered for it. My children suffered for it. Sure there are days when I get up and think “wow this is hard to do on my own” but at the end of the day I DID do it on my own, and the feeling of accomplishment, and pride I get is worth it.

I see women in my life letting men use them, and walk all over them, cheat on, and abuse them. I see women stay in bad relationships for all the wrong reasons, and I want to scream at these women to get out. I want to tell them they will be OK out there, and their kids will be better off, and the whole family can be healthier. I want to clunk them over the head with a giant club of wisdom. Unfortunately I remember being in that place. That place that makes you feel like being alone is a bad thing. It’s not always easy to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there. You just have to want it. You have to be brave enough to seek it out.

Yes, as humans we need other humans, and companionship. However, we can get that from lots of sources. It doesn’t always have to be in the arms of a man. It took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t going to be happy with someone else, unless I was able to be happy with JUST me. I had a lot of ME to work on. I guess maybe that was the plan all along. Maybe I just needed to get healthy and be a strong, independent woman. That way when someone special came along I could be in a healthy relationship, not a needy one.

…and drink

A typical weekday morning starts out very chaotic for me. Not because I am unorganized, but because I have a teenager in the house.  By the time I am ready to drive out of town for work, I am ready to have a shot of Jager. I am frazzled. My stomach hurts, my blood pressure is through the roof, and I kinda feel like I could punch a kitten if it looked at me wrong. (No kittens were harmed in the writing of this blog)

This was my morning…

• Get up
• Wake son up
• Go pee (shut up! you all pee in the morning)
• wake son up
• wake son up
• wake son up
• wake son up (I only have one son)
• badger son to take the dog out - give up
• take dog out myself since son is still rolling about in bed.
• wake son up… again - tell him to go outside and shake the water out of the tent in the yard so it will drive all day. (I need this for Pirate faire this weekend)
• take shower
• make sure son is getting dressed
• get contacts in
• make sure son is still getting dressed (wth? why does it take him so long to put on a shirt and pants?)
• get dressed
• send son downstairs to eat breakfast
• put on half of make-up
• go downstairs and tell son to eat breakfast - stop staring at the wall
• put on other half of make-up
• go downstairs and tell son to stop staring at the wall and get things in the car
• check tent - it’s still a pond - tell son to get water out of the tent - again
• dry hair
• yell downstairs to son “brush your teeth” (and yes he would forget- ewww)
• put on earrings
• make bed
• put away PJ’s
• go downstairs and freak out about the mess son has made getting cereal
• wonder what scissors were used for in the making of cereal - forget it I don’t wanna know
• put scissors away
• grab breakfast
• Son is tripping over his own feet
• grab purse, keys and cell phone stacked neatly on the secretary
• walk by and see the tent is still a pond - I shall have to kill him now.
• get dog in car (he comes to work with me), get in car
• get out of car and unlock the door because son forgot cell phone
• get in car - again
• drive away
• son says he forgot some homework
• mom says too damn bad
• drop son off at school
• drive to the nearest Starbucks and order a cracktastic mocha
• tell son’s father about son’s homework problems at school - dad is less than helpful
• hang upon dad
• Room mate calls and says we should sell the son to the highest bidder
• drive to work, trying not to have road rage (failed)
• Get to work see that someone from the OTHER building is parked in our parking lot
• walk in office, sit down at desk and cry.

I will have to do this all over again tomorrow… someone please kill me?

She’s 18.

She Has No Job, No Education, No Car, and yet she knows EVERYTHING.

Oh to be… Young Insane again.

For Him…
My Charity is The American Cancer Society. I am staying up for 24 hours straight because in 1990 my father lost his battle with liver cancer. I watched him go from 6′3″ 280lbs. to a thin gaunt man who, when he looked at his only daughter, could not even remember her name. If I can do something to help prevent this terrible disease, raise money, and awareness…Then I will… For daddy.

The American Cancer Society estimates that 18,510 new cases of primary liver cancer and bile duct cancer will be diagnosed in the United States during 2006. It is about twice as common in men as in women. About 16,200 people will die of liver cancer in the United States during 2006. Your donations can help fund research, create awareness programs, and help people battling to live with devastating illnesses like liver cancer.

Please help—————–>Click Here To Sponsor Me today!

(All monies donated go directly to The American Cancer Society)

Today I am pimping out my friend over at…
An Indian Summer
She is blogging For Cancer too…and it gets even better because Yandy Lingerie will be helping Bug out with her fight against cancer! Go check out their site if you have a chance, they have some hot stuff!

Do You Have A Holiday Tradition?

As Turkey day approaches here in the U.S., I start to reflect on all of the holiday traditions my family had. Death, and age have changed a lot of the traditions we had, and it seems they weren’t as important to anyone in my family as they were to me. No one seems to be concerned with passing along these memories, and moments so near and dear to me.

My children will never experience the close family feeling I did during the holidays. They will never know what an entire night of dominoes on a metal table sounds like. They will never know what it’s like to roll around in bags of freshly picked cotton. They will never know what it’s like to play hour after hour of Rack-O or aggravation.

Every year we ate Turkey on Thanksgiving and Ham on Christmas…Not lasagna, or cheese and salami! My mother says it doesn’t matter what we eat. That’s not what it’s about. She is right, it’s not what we eat, but that is just one more tradition that we won’t have. I can’t bring back the people that are gone, I can’t change where everyone lives, but I can have traditional food. It’s not that difficult to make a Turkey and some taters so why does my family fight me on this? Maybe I am being sentimental…Maybe I am being silly…Who cares!!

Maybe I will go out and buy some dominoes and teach my kids to play….

There are few things I enjoy more than shopping. It’s not just about going out and buying stuff, because I can do that at the grocery store if I wanted. It’s all about the “Road Trip”. Jen B. and I can’t just get in the car and go buy a pair of shoes or another purse. We make an entire event out of it. You see that’s how we became friends really. Our mutual love for shopping.

It was about two years(or maybe more…I dunno I was drunk) that we met. She was at a local Karaoke bar that I frequented. She was there with a friend of hers that looked a lot like Howdy Doody. I had previously met this guy on line and befriended him so when my boyfriend at the time (We shall call him convict) and I walked in, I was surprised to see him there. He introduced me to this rather tall scary gal, with a spiked collar on. I am all of 5′6″. Very feminine, and I don’t KNOW people that wear spikes so I was sacred. She and I talked more a little bit and realized we had mutual gay friends in common. That made me change my opinion of her from “scary Goth Chick to “Fag Hag”. I’m not sure if that was much better. As the night went on I proceeded to drink a few more drinks. (I know you are shocked at this) and we started to hit it off. I wasn’t scared of her anymore, until she sang “I touch myself” and got down on her knees and sang it to me. Then my opinion went from “Fag Hag” to “Lesbian”. I mean why else would she be hanging out with a guy who looks like Howdy Doody? We exchanged numbers and promised to call each other when we were going to be doing karaoke, but she never called me. She says she did, but I think she through away my number.

Months went by and we started seeing her frequent the bar more often. I already had a regular posse that I ran with, but invited her to sit with us anyway. She quickly became one of the gang. She was still a little bit scary and always dressed kind of on the funky side, so I quickly dubbed her “The Kewl Funky Friend”.

One weekend I decided to take off out of town on a mini road trip. I was planning on staying with my “sister” Jenne and her family at “The Pet Menagerie” as I like to call it. I love my sister and her family, and she of course can live however she wants, so I mean this in the nicest of ways. She has too many damn pets. I am admittedly NOT a pet person to begin with so to me, 2 is too many. She has a huge dog named Doc. He is a lab or something and truly belongs outside. He has a little problem with gas, as in he is ALWAYS farting. That wouldn’t be so bad, cause I mean he’s a dog what does he know right? why does he have to come right up in my face to do it though? Then there is dog number 2. Minnie, she is a wiener dog and cute, if you are into yappy, underfoot wiener dogs, which I am not. Then there is cat number one Boo boo. I am more of a cat person but these cats are huge, it’s like they were bred with ponies or something. One of the cats I dunno if its Bob or booboo, cause I can never get which one is which weighs so much when he lays on you, you can’t breath. Now it’s winter time when I make my journey so it’s cold out and the house is closed up, so my nose was stuffy, and my eyes were runny. What a sight to behold.

I asked Jen B if she wanted to tag along and she jumped at the chance. I forgot to mention the pets to her. That probably wouldn’t have been so bad but I talked all the way to Fresno, and I am sure she was ready to muzzle me by the end of the trip. We went out, and saw a band had some drinks, and drove back to Jenne’s house. I think I may have run over a cop that was standing in the middle of the road but I can’t be sure as I was drunk and didn’t see him until it was too late. When I looked in my rearview mirror he wasn’t there, so I drove faster to Jenne’s. I may have actually hallucinated all of that, but Jen B. Swears it’s true. The next day we went shopping for HOURS at the local malls, bought new purses, and hats, and decided to stay for another night. We ended up going out to sing that night at the only place we could find with karaoke. It was a tiny little hick bar in the middle of nowhere. We walked in all dressed up, and here we were in this grungy, stinky COUNTRY bar. I don’t think Jen B. Knew even one country song she could sing, so I wasn’t sure we would stay very long. It’s one of those places where everyone looks at you when you walk in, and I swear one guy growled at us. It may have been the fact that Jen B. Was wearing a wife beater and a hot pink trucker hat that says “Mullets Get Chicks” but I can’t really know for sure. She sang and they thought she was great with her non-country song so when I got up there I thought I was going to be safe with one of my fabulous country numbers. I was wrong. They just looked at me kind of funny. We quickly gathered our things and left before the lynching started. Only to return to The Pet Menagerie, for night number two if Doc the farting wonder dog. The company was good though, and Jen B, and Jenne seemed bond their mutual love of The Food Network.

The next day we left because our butts were feeling rather greasy from the long weekend, and I swear I coughed up a hair ball on the way home. We did have a lot of laughs and I think that is when we decided we would start taking a lot more road trips together. We have been hitting shopping malls, karaoke bars, and fabulous restaurants all over the state ever since. When I started hanging out with Jen B. I had to promise her a couple of things.

1. I will never buy a “backpack purse” again.
2. I will never wear over-alls, for any reason, not at home, or out of the house.
3. I will always wear a bra.
4. NO Dry humping EVER!
5. No more dating convicts, or men who’s names start with the letter T

All in all I think it’ a fair trade, as I now have the other have to my Thelma & Louise fantasy.

I didn’t post yesterday because I wanted to make sure I got this right. You see I have a confession to make. I have had a deep dark secret for the last 3 years now.

I secretly desire my friend’s husband. His name is David and he is perfect, well except for the fact that he is married to my friend.

David Dresses well thanks to Tisha. That is important to me. How many times have you been out with a guy and they show up wearing something that looks like they picked it up off the floor, sprayed it with Fabreeze, and Downey’s wrinkle reducer? Well I have, in fact I watched “Roxie’s daddy” do it. Not only was I horrified, but I made him change. David never breaks this rule, and therefore is perfect.

David is tall. How many times have you been in a bar wearing heels, and standing up, when a vertically challenged man walks up, looks up to you and asks you to dance? Your only recourse is to suddenly make up the excuse that you were just about to pee, and run away. This would never happen with David, therefore he is perfect.

David really knows how to clean up. OK there was that ONE…Little incident with the dishwasher overflowing dish soap into the kitchen…Ok it was like three times, but you know CLEAN MEN ROCK. David likes to use lots of soap, therefore he is perfect.

David is really kind of quite unless given a rainbow of drinks in one night. I am pretty chatty, and I like to be the center of attention, so I need a man who knows when to shut the hell up and let me be the princezz that I am. David let’s Tisha be a Diva all the time, therefore he is perfect. David has a nice ass. OK so I really have a thing for guys with
A) A nice ass
B) Great Teeth
C) sexy eyes
David has a nice ass, therefore is perfect.

David is a gamer, aka geek. I have a thing for geeks who know what it means when I say ” OMG I can’t believe I just raided for 15 hours, and still didn’t get an uber drop off that lame mob. We were pwned!” David knows what that means, therefore is perfect.

David is southern. I have such a thing for men with manners, say “fixin” when they aren’t fixing anything, and call me darlin’. David says fixin, therefore he is perfect. OK David, I said it…I want you.

OK This post was all in fun so no one flame me. Unless they clone David, and I get a Dave-bot, you don’t have to worry he is happily married to Diva of Diva’s Den.

About 6 years ago I was living in a place I hated. I had just ended yet another bad relationship, and I was pretty much miserable. I didn’t want to go out to sing yet for fear of running into the ex but I was a Diva with a NEED to sing. A friend had told me about this nifty little place on line called MPlayer. I said what the heck and signed up. I started going into these really weird little chat rooms and singing with other people over a computer Mic. Not exactly what I was used to, but it got me my fix.

It was a Saturday afternoon. I was bored and none of my usual friends were on so I was surfing around to different rooms. I popped in to this one room where someone with the screen name “BuxomDiva” was singing. I was immediately impressed, because she was good. TOO good, she was better then me…How could this happen? I hated her! She was vulgar, mouthy, and way too talented. She had this THICK southern accent and I swear to you I thought she was a big o southern black girl from the way she talked. (she isn’t by the way) We ended up having a lot of fun that day in that chat room. She used to run her own “singing room” called “Diva’s Den” that she invited me to later that evening. I was thrilled that someone THAT talented would want me to join their little club…So I did. We ended up running that place. If she wasn’t in The Ice Palace(which was my room at the time) I was in Diva’s Den. That continued on for about a month until I moved to where I live now. Then it got seriously addicting. We would stay up all night long singing with friends, and asking people what kind of pickles they liked. By the way….Sweet, Dill or are you BI-Pickle? We even had a theme song that we played when we booted overly obnoxious people out of our rooms. This was an awesome time for me…So how could I have known it was going to get even better?

Now you see BD(short for BuxomDiva) was a TRUE southern bell. She was about to be married in a couple of months and decided she MUST have me at her wedding. I thought this was a fabulous idea, even though I had never met this woman, and thought she was totally insane. I was much braver in my youth. Unfortunately I didn’t have a job yet, and couldn’t afford it. She offered to fly me out to Mississippi, so I went. When I got off the plane, my fears were realized. She was wearing all black, black Pat Benetar make-up, and all these tiny little black clippies in her black hair and standing with a skinny guy from MPlayer that looked like Kid Rock.I was scared When she lead me to the bar I was so relieved. After a couple of drinks there I was ready for the rest of the trip. We ended up doing a lot of partying in N’awlins, and ended up drunk. (imagine that) The next day I woke up with the biggest cold sore I had ever seen on my lip. It was terrible! It had a face on it, and when I looked at it in the mirror I swear it snickered and mocked me. I spent the rest of the week trying to cover up Herman…That’s what I named it…With coverup and lipstick to no avail. We ended up hanging out with undercover cops, security guards, random guys in the bar, and eating at a lot of buffets. Somehow BD ended up getting married, and a few months later realized that her hubby was a moron, (Hello!? Any man that eats Cheerioes while sitting on the toilet is a moron!) and that ended that. That trip to Mississippi was so much fun, but I still have a hang over! I have been back out to see her one other time, when she and her new husband flew me out, and that was even better than the first time…I still laugh when I add soap to my dishwasher. Both trips I ended up in hand cuffs though. (insert innocent look here) I’d love to elaborate but she would murder me.

A lot has changed in our lives now. She is remarried to a wonderful man, who thinks she is the best thing since corn bread. (I tend to agree with him) BUT I am still searching for Prince Charming. She was a big o’ hoochie mama (well ok we both were)…and now she is a wonderful mom, wife, and friend. She’s a God Fearing, Jesus freak…and I think I love that most about her. She has been there for me in the middle of the night when I was crying about random guy 0_1 that broke my heart. She has been there for me in the middle of the day when I bored at work and need a giggle. She is even there for me, when I don’t think I need her. She makes the best squash, and sangria. She is a true friend who loves me no matter how crazy I get. Now if only I could get her to California….

Wait…maybe that’s not such a good idea, then everyone at “Thursday night Ego Boost” would think she was better than me!

Oh well, I’m willing to risk it.

Since today is Jenne’s Birthday (yes ok so I know a lot of Jen’s) and she claims to be blogworthy this post shall remain all about her.

I met Jenne a million years ago, or so it seems. I was living in beautiful Fresno, Ca. That was sarcasm for those of you who haven’t been there. My boyfriend at the time got me started on a local BBS called Club Fresno. IT was all downhill from there. You see the patrons of Club Fresno were all strange to me. One called himself “spock” and stared at my boobs anytime I was around. One called him self “Gen Gap drummer” and yes even though he was a drummer, he was also a terribly disgusting little troll of a man that eventually turned up in my life much later to my dismay (more on THAT later). There were a lot of really good people too like “Cat Tamer” who was a 30 something year old man living like he was 12, and addicted to caffeine. Then there was “sweet one”. I met her at Spock’s house. She was in her early 30’s, and everything about her screamed “freako hippie”. I took one look at her and thought…What a loon. Of course she took one look at me and thought I was like a snobby Cheerleader in high school. (Thank you!) She was sporting the ever-fashionable T-shirt with a gianormous Siamese cat face on it, shorts and flip flops. She had her hair in these little braids down the front like a first grader. I still mock her braids to this day. We didn’t talk much that day but our daughters seemed to have gotten along well. It was only natural that when my daughter’s birthday came up I invited some friends from Club Fresno, and their kids. The only girls that I had met from CF were lesbians(and the really butch looking ones) so I invited them. Jenne was one of the attendants. My mom thought she was a lesbian, because everyone else there was obviously one, and that’s how my mom thinks. The funny thing is…She was Bi-sexual, but of course I didn’t know that yet so I denied it.

Some how we ended up hanging out more and more. Then she invited me on a road trip to Reno. I was scared. I thought she was going to go all “lesbian” on me when we went to sleep that night. She didn’t. Instead we had an awesome time. That was the first time we had one of our “food adventures” We ate at the all you can eat seafood buffet. It was so good, and the first time I had eaten Lobster that I actually liked. That was the beginning of many future “food moments” we would share.

Now we have something else in common. I used to follow this band. It was a local cover band and the lead singer was also the drummer. He wasn’t really all that attractive, he was short, and he was a total player. However, he had some magical power over women. I didn’t understand that. I thought he was a complete jack-ass, until one day he kissed me. That was it. I was under his “spell”. I started dragging Jenne out with me to go dancing when ever the band was playing. We had so much fun, and the three of us all partied together one night in a mobile home that included wine coolers, and the soundtrack from “Purple Rain”. Her husband(he wasn’t her husband then) swears that something happened between Jenne and the drummer, however to this day I can honestly say nothing happened between them…Maybe she and I….But not them! (insert Innocent look here)

When I met a man online and moved to Ohio, she was the one that took me to the airport. She was there when I had my second child. In fact she helped me pick out his name. She has been there when I lost jobs, boyfriends, cars, family, friends, and weight(which I gained all back). She is more than a friend to me. She is my sister. She is one of the strongest people I know, and I love her with all of my heart…Even though she is addicted to QVC & Cambria, Ca. So today Jenne I dedicate this blog Entry to you.