The Ice Palace

It’s quiet here this morning. The sun is shining and it’s going to be a really beautiful day out today. It’s the quiet times in the last couple of weeks that have made me reflect back to where I was a few weeks ago. It’s helped me to see clearly what was happening for the last 4 months, and what it was doing to me, not only emotionally, but physically. My hair used to fall out in huge strands, my periods were wonky, and I felt like I was always in need of a long nap. I blamed my age, and my diet, and lack of exercise. I believe that the changes I made did help with everything, but I believe that when I removed the stress, and drama of Steve from my life, things got better. My hair hasn’t looked this healthy and great in years. I have lost weight, and I feel better.

It’s a little better each day. I still have moments of brief sadness. Mostly grieving the loss of four months of my life and $450.00. However, I don’t miss him. I don’t miss wondering what he was doing all day. I don’t miss wondering who he was talking to besides me. I don’t miss the lies, and the worry, and wondering how much money I was going to be short this month because of him. I don’t even worry that I will run into him when he graduates from school. I know that he has a new sucker…er I mean girlfriend who he will use to move out of his ex-wife/wife’s house and stay in the area he is already in. It’s sad, but she was warned.

I am moving on. Meeting new people, and making a lot of new friends. I believe that things happen for a reason, and maybe that had to happen for me to meet some of the people that I did. I have an awesome new girlfriend named Shelly, that I really enjoy doing girl things with. I already have some really great girlfriends, but they live so far away it’s hard to do lunch, and pedicures and things like that. Shelly loves all of those kinds of things. Had it not been for the relationship with Steve, I would never had met her. For that I am thankful.

I have met a new man as well. I will call him J. It’s soon I know, but it just kind of happened. He’s nice, and very much a gentleman. I like talking to him and spending time with him. He’s fun. He thinks I am funny and beautiful, and he doesn’t live with an ex… so he’s already ahead of the game! I am taking things very slow with him. I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made with Steve. We will see how this turns out.

I am really looking forward to this weekend, and the Lompoc Renaissance faire. I am looking forward to spending the day with people who I genuinely love, and who genuinely love me in return. I am looking forward to just being able to get back out there and start living again!

A little more each day…

I have some really great friends. I really do, and I love that some of them care enough about me to call and check on me and make sure I haven’t thrown myself off a cliff with a note pinned to my chest saying ” It’s All S’s Fault”.  I love that some of them want me to get out and have fun and get my mind off of everything.

However, I don’t want people to call me just to ask what crazy thing S. did now. He texts me. I read it. The End. I understand that I am like a celebrity and my life is like a tabloid, but really? Do you have to keep asking me every day about S.? OK OK It was funny to mock me and my past relationship for all of like 5 minutes, but now it’s just dredging up things that I would rather leave in my past. I made a mistake. I trusted someone that turned out to be a cad. I fell for a guy blah blah blah… move on nothing to see here. If you want me to move on… then oh I don’t know… maybe you should LET ME!?

I’m not the person I used to be. I’m not going to let S. back into my life JUST because you think I am. Just because I don’t answer my phone and share every sorted detail of how I feel about S. today with you doesn’t mean I am sharing it with everyone BUT you. Maybe I just really am tired of talking about it… or in this case being accused of being stupid. Maybe JUST Maybe I really am ok?

It’s amazing how fast things can change in my life sometimes. It’s been a little over a week since I wrote my last post, and I am already feeling better. I think a lot of it has to do with some of the most awesome friends a girl could have.

Well I did it. I changed my facebook status to single. I guess I knew I was single for the past two months, I just was hoping I was wrong. No one wants to admit they were a fool. No one wants to admit that they let someone treat them less than they are worth. What I don’t understand is how something like this happened to someone like me. I haven’t let anyone in this close in a long time. I was careful. I didn’t let guys stay at my house overnight. I didn’t let anyone sleep in my bed. I didn’t do anything that could take away the safety of my apartment. When relationships ended there were no memories there, it was neutral territory, it was safe. I didn’t let myself think of forever, or happily ever after. I didn’t use the word marriage. I didn’t think what it would be like to decorate the house for Christmas with someone else. I just didn’t let myself get hurt. I used to think maybe I was too safe. Maybe I was missing out on something… I was… The horrible pain that creeps in when you least expect it. That gut wrenching feeling you get when you know in your heart something bad is about to happen. When every time your phone rings you wonder if this is the call that he says it’s over. I think my pain was worse. He never did tell me it was over. He just kept telling me he loved me, and wanted to be with me. However, his behavior changed, and he went from wanting to be with me and missing me to being too busy to talk to me. Too busy to see me. That’s not the kind of love I want. That’s not love at all. I don’t know what that is. Maybe I met the replacement mayor of crazy town since I am vacating that seat this term!

In any event I found out who my friends are that I can count on when pooh happens. I found out that one of my friends who I thought was a complete cad, really is a good person. He’s the first one I ran to when all of this happened. I don’t know why I picked him. I guess I thought if anyone would understand what I was going through it would be P. since he had recently gone through a fairy tale romance that ended kind of odd to say the least. He really stepped up to the plate and helped me feel better about everything. He even said he would support me if I chose to continue down this path of retardation.  He will never know what it meant to me that he got me out of the house for some of the best Sushi in the world.  I have a feeling this cad will be a life long friend and that’s ok with me. I’m still going to have to tell him to “get out” of my tent at faire though.

I am very blessed with a handful of inner circle friends who I can tell anything to no matter what, and know that they will love me even if I make a bad choice, and when I do they will be there to say “come on let’s go get chocolate he was ugly and I hated his last name anyway”. I am also blessed with some people in my life that I have never met face to face, but I love them like family. When I was feeling lowest in those days a few weeks ago they were there lifting me up and reminding me of my self worth. Reminding me of who I am and where I came from. Reminding me that I do have a lot to offer someone who actually wants it. Reminding me that I don’t have to find Mr. right before I am 40.

Then someone comes along and makes you forget about all the crap you put yourself through for the last 8 weeks. Someone who wants to makes you a valentine out of bow-tie pasta.

2 More Days until Blogathon 2006!

Can you FEEL the sleep deprivation in the air? I can! I am going to the store tomorrow to stock up on snacks, and lots and lots of highly caffeinated beverages.

What more can my readers ask for? 24 hours of me being completely random…That’s a theme right? Yes! Yes it is…my theme is how RANDOM can I be? Oh you just wait.

Now…

I am up to $70.00 raised for The American Cancer Society!
Thanks Webkittyn , Doug H.
&
Franky (who will be joining me for Christmas dinner this year..)
for your latest donations!
Come on help me get to my next goal of $100.00!!!

But Wait, there is more!

~*~ Everyone who donates will be getting a thank-you gift!
~*~ Anyone who donates $5.00 or more will go into a raffle for a chance to win free crap!
~*~ Anyone who donates $50.00 or more will win $20.00 for the charity of their choice!
There will be all kinds of games during blogathon that will have their own set of prizes, so come and join the fun!

So now that you know what kind of free crap you can have….come sponsor me!
Click below would ya?

Today I am pimping out my friend over at…
Just Dawn
She is blogging for National MS Society.
Go donate and help her and “The Guy She Married” out and let her know I sent you!

This weekend I made it my personal mission to make-over my friend B.S.

Well ok, what REALLY happened, was after she saw Jen and I on Thursday night she said she felt frumpy. So my big mouth and I got me roped into helping her De-frump. To be fair, when I met B.S she was not frumpy at all. I mean she didn’t know what deodorant was, but at least she dressed nicer. The only way I can describe her look before this weekend was…Well… an old dirty NASCAR bitch. First things first. Friday night we made her color her hair, and that made her go from old dirty NASCAR bitch to just dirty NASCAR bitch. YAY!

Saturday Jen, my daughter L. and I all piled in my car and off to meet up with B.S for a “Santa Maria Saturday”.* When we saw her she was wearing black jeans, rolled up at the bottom. She had on those black orthopedic shoes that old ladies wear, and a muscle shirt with a little naked man on it, that she had gotten in Mexico. (Can you say Fashion train wreck?) She had her hair pulled back in a pony tail, with a SCRUNCHY (not in public ladies) and NO make-up on. This was going to be harder than I thought. So we headed off to Olive Garden for lunch complete with Bellinis. She had never been to Olive Garden, so we had to educate her on traditional “Diva Club” ordering techniques. This ALWAYS includes mass quantities of cheese, and alcohol. After that we headed off to the mall. I figured we could have taught her how to do skin care and make-up, but she needed a trained professionals help at this point. I told the very nice lady at the Clinique counter to treat B.S as if she was a caveman, and fix her. I mean, she wasn’t even using any kind of skin care products at 45 years old!? They lady at Clinique asked her what moisturizer she was using…and B.S said “Moisterizer?” *boggle* They made her look like a girl, well sorta. We were so excited we almost wept. Jen took over from there, as we designated her the fashion advisor for the day. The first thing we needed to get rid of was that shirt…YIKES. Jen picked out some great things for B.S., and she ended up buying ALL of them. Before we went into the next store, B.S changed into her new top and jewelry. She actually looked pretty good at that point! After MAKING her buy a purse, and some great shoes we were exhausted.

As we drove back home satisfied with our work, B.S. called to thank us. She said that she felt better than she had in a long time. So, I guess we did a good job because that’s what it’s really all about. When you look good, you feel good! Now if we could get rid of her “homeless looking” boyfriend!

*Santa Maria Saturday: Any Saturday when you drive 40 minutes to Santa Maria to eat at Olive Garden, and go to the mall to shop.

What are your new years resolutions? To lose weight? To quit smoking, or drinking?

Why don’t we set more important ones? Donate more money to charity. Help someone in need at least once a week. Volunteer your time more this year. How about taking the time to just tell one person a day that they are pretty great.

If every person in the world did something to improve someone ELSES life, think of what a different world this would be? There would be less hate, and more love. Less anger, and depresion, and more smiles.

I got to know someone last year, and blessed that person over and over and over when they needed it. I didn’t ask for anything in return except a heartfelt thank you. This person ended up hurting my feelings rather deeply, for no other reason except they were selfish. The point is, I would do it all over again…I’m not going to stop being a good and loving person just because they aren’t capable anymore. I’ll just keep giving to those who need it, and loving those who need it most, even when they don’t deserve it. Make a difference in someone’s life this year.

I hope you and your family has a safe and Happy New Year!

Update: I just heard from Tisha. Her father traveled down to Pascagoula where she lives, to see if her home survived, and sadly it didn’t. It was a complete loss. Her home was under water. This is the second time that she has lost everything due to a hurricane. You may think why doesn’t she leave that area…it’s her home. It’s where her whole life was…until a few days ago. Tisha her husband, and her two small kids lost everything, their home, their jobs, a car, toys, furniture, all of their photos and possibly a family pet…just everything! Her mother, and step father also lost their home…Please donate to The Red Cross, these people need help!!

My Heart belongs in the south. I have been lucky enough to have been able to travel to the south twice now. More specifically the Mississippi gulf coast, to spend time with my “southern family”. Both times I realized that my heart belongs in the south. I love everything about it….Except the weather. I love the people and their way of life, their culture, their food, and their strength. So to see hurricane Katrina devastate “my second home” breaks my heart. It’s really hard to look at the stories on the T.V. and know that I stood right there one time. Bourbon street, The Beau Rivage…

My friend Tisha and her family evacuated to Jackson Mississippi, and thank God they are doing ok, but they are not sure they will have a home to come back to in Pascagoula, Miss. They are just one family effected by this terrible tragedy. How about the people trapped in New Orleans (Nawlins)? How about the people that watched as their family members floated away? How about the babies, elderly, and all the displaced animals?

Make a difference and donate to the Red Cross or Salvation Army.
Hug your family a little tighter tonight.

To The people of the gulf coast, my prayers are with you tonight!

Yes I went BACK to the fair. CG said he thinks I have a fair obsession. I don’t. I just like going with a different group of friends, and then each time it’s a different experience. OK Maybe I do. Last night I got invited to “girls night out”. My mom’s roomie we will call Donna is a lot of fun. She is the kind of girl that after a couple of drinks (That she has smuggled into the fair) she says the things to people you WANT to say but aren’t brave enough. She is also perpetually late. I have a huge problem with people who are always tardy, but because I know this about her and I don’t hang out with her all that often I just accept it. Basically if she says she is going to be someone at 7:00pm I just don’t go until 7:30 and it all works out.

Last night we were supose to meet at 7:30 and it ended up 8:00. See how that works? When we finally met up she was there with 3 other gals. I had met one of them before, and one of them (Krystal) I worked with at The Grid, so it was a good group. Toby Keith was playing last night so the fair was PACKED with hot guys. We started drinking at the “Watering Hole” and then moseyed our way down towards the grandstand to try and catch a glimpse of Toby. While we were standing near an entrance to try and get a glimpse of Toby through the gate, some random guy comes up to our group and this is what transpired…

Random Guy(I think he said he was Jeff): Hi Ladies. Do you remember me? (Looking at me) Debi: Should we?
RG: Don’t you sing?
Debi: Uh….well yes…
RG: At The Marriage Breaker? In Los Osos? I know it’s you!
Debi: UH yeah I sing there, but not very often…
RG: Yeah I saw you one night, came back the next weekend to talk to you, but you weren’t there. You are the best singer there.
Debi: Oh Lookie my cup is empty!
RG: So do you live there?
Debi: No I live in Atascadero, and u?
RG: Fresno
Debi: Wow, you come all the way over here to hear me sing? (Laughing & looking in my empty cup)
RG: I was gonna ask you out, but I didn’t see you again
Debi: (walking to the bar) Oh well…um I don’t go there very often. It’s a dive.
He ended up buying me a drink then I walked away. He seemed a little too stalkerific for me. I am used to doing the stalking.

I don’t know who decided it would be a good idea to try and bribe the security guards at the gate to get in but we did. With what else? Our boobs! The first guy said he couldn’t do it, but sure did wanna look. I mean what is the worst that could happen he looses his awesome 2 week gig at the fair? There goes his carreer! Like the fair security cam will show him letting us is? So we decided maybe there was a way to get through from the men’s bathroom. I have no idea WHY they thought that would work, maybe they just wanted to watch guys pee? Sp Krystal walked in on some hot guy peeing. He was so thrilled to see a chick in there when he came out he stood right in front of us and through his keys on the ground. Bent over and S L O W L Y picked them up making sure to show off his hiney. Of course we all screamed with delight, even if he was wearing some kind of pants from Gilligan’s Island and Ug boots. When that didn’t work we decided to move on to try and get up to the VIP area. We had the guy at the bottom of the stairs convinced but he said we would still have to get past the gigantic lesbian at the top of the stairs. We took one look at her and moved to our last gate. The security guard that was there is the same one I always see at every concert I go to. He hates me. I have trampled him a couple of times to try and get pictures. I told the crew just give up, but somehow Krystal got in. We slithered in with her and watched the rest of the concert from the back gate. It was pretty good since it was free.

Donna knows the gal that runs the wine bar at the fair so of course we had to make an appearence there too. That was ok because there was a super cute guy working the bar named Craig. I asked him if I through my keys over the bar, would he bend over slowly and pick them up? He said Maybe and grinned at me….Random thought: OH MY he’s yummy! I took my keys out and Donna through them into the bar area while screaming “Oh ooopsie look what happened!” Some dumb girl kept picking them up and handing them to me even though we kept telling her no no no….she ruined all our fun with craig. I did however get some mardi-gras wine beads from him before I left. I know he wanted me… It was a work night so Donna, Krystal & I made our way to the bus, while the other two gals stayed to play some more. Of course I can’t just get on the shuttle bus and go to my car. This time some little asian lady sat next to me. That’s ok, until she started asking me if I liked the fair, if I went to the concert, if I was married etc…WHY? Did I look like I wanted to talk to her? I was looking out the DAMN window….Here’s your sign!

I think this will be my final fair story this year. Do you have a favorite story of a concert/carnival/fair you went to?

What are friends for?

It was freak night in Karaoke land. Jen had talked me into going out last night for a fun filled evening of drinks, boys with mohawks, and bad karaoke(ourselves excluded of course). I was sporting my best copper shoes and handbag. I had lots of make-up on I smelled good, and I had taken my “crack” otherwise known as “TrimSpa”. I was ready to rumble.

We knew the night was going to go bad when the first singer approached the dance floor, and there waiting for her was a poorly dressed, mulletclad man/girl. Man/girl decided to do her meth and come visit us in karaoke land. It seemed like a really good idea to her, however we were not happy about it. She lingered in front of the first singer’s face while doing something that may have been dancing in some third world country. he would rock back and forth with her/his hands in his/her front pockets while smiling like a lost puppy. His/her lack of teeth made this especially pretty. When it was Jen’s turn to sing I knew that man/girl would try the same thing with her. I warned her though, cause I am a good friend like that you know.

Debi: That freaky person is going to get all up on you. I am going to laugh.

Jen B: I am gonna knock her out if she does.

Debi: Her?

Jen B.: Well whatever it is!