The Ice Palace

I was blog surfing and I came across “A Goofy ass emotional chick & her prerogative“. Now as I was reading I read her spot on “The perfect man” and LOVED it. I have to give her credit for the idea. Our idea of the perfect man seemed to be quite a bit similar too, so I have to give her credit there too. Don’t miss her blog………………When you are done here of course!

Here is my idea of a perfect man.

* The most important thing on the list of course is that he must be totally single, which means he can not be married, in a relationship or gay.

* He is at least 5′9″ tall. I don’t have a problem with shorter men, I just don’t want to date them!

* He must have all of his teeth. I don’t mean he has to have lived half of his life in a orthodontists office, but come on…no hillbillies!

* He wears a cologne. There is nothing like your man going home, and your sweater smelling like him…/swoon

* He enjoys laughing and making others around him laugh- especially me. He doesn’t take life so seriously all the time that he can’t make fun of himself. He can dish it out and take it. He’s also clever in his comeback and use of sexual innuendos.

* Having a child from a prior relationship is not a deal breaker. Having a child from a prior relationship that he has no involvement in and does not financially support is. No diapers either!

* He must have a clean police record, and never been in prison. He must be intelligent. A college degree isn’t a requirement (as I haven’t obtained mine yet either). He is someone I can have thought provoking conversations with. I enjoy learning from one another. This involves being able to form complete thoughts and opinions on his own.

* He would not use street slang or talk like a complete thug.

* If he drives a truck, it can’t be covered in decals like “Git-r-done” or Nascar related ones. If you wanna be all white trashy, that’s fine…just not with me.

* I prefer a man with hair…. but not a requirement. I have no problems dating a man who is balding and/or bald. No long hair hippie freaks either!

* He enjoys cooking, eating out, eating in…Hey just someone who likes to eat is fine with me.

* He likes random road trips and enjoys listening to me sing along with the music playing. He doesn’t mind that I change lyrics to fit me or don’t know all the words.

* I don’t care what field of work he is in or even how much he earns. I do require that he actually have a J-O-B.

* A man with rock hard abs just isn’t hot to me. I like a little meat on my man. (No I am not being a pervert here either) If I’m able to grab it and make his belly button appear to be talking he earns a point in my book.

* He must not be so in touch with his feminine side that questioning his masculinity comes into question. No metro-sexual guys who want to hang out constantly with my gay friends. I do not want a man who dresses better than I do, nor do I want someone who constantly stares at himself in the mirror. I don’t want to have to fight for mirror space, only one of us can be vain.

* He enjoys the time on the weekends where you wake up together, cuddle, get frisky, cuddle and sleep in a little while longer.

* He is able to share things with me that I might not have experienced without him. Maybe he loves an up and coming band and wants me to join him to check them out. Maybe there is an art exhibit on display we can experience together. Maybe there is some local food festival in town. That kind of stuff.

*He enjoys playing with my hair. He lightly touches my skin without even knowing he’s doing it. The ones so light it gives you goosebumps. I love it when a man touches me or plays with my hair while we’re watching television or something. It just feels good to be loved on.

* He isn’t the clingy or jealous type of guy. He is able to trust me when I go out with my girlfriends (as I will do the same for him while he goes out with his buddies).

* He would make me one of the priorities in his life. He is someone who accepts me for “me” but expects the best out of me and inspires me to always strive to be a better person.

* He is someone who is there not only in the fun moments but also in the bad moments that happen in life and is supportive when times get hard.

* He doesn’t allow things that have hurt him in the past to affect his future and understands that I don’t want that either. He also doesn’t make unfair comparisons to any of the exs that have scorned him.

* He doesn’t smoke.

* He is spontaneous and will come up with something to do at the drop of a hat. Or he may surprise me with the little things that make relationships fun (for instance, leaving post-it notes all over as clues to find a surprise waiting, bringing you smoothies at work, calling just to say he misses you.)

What’s your idea of a perfect mate?

I signed up for eHarmony yesterday. I know it’s completely silly, and way overpriced, but I had a “special promo code” in my e-mail that got me 3 months for the price of one. How can anyone pass that up? Well ok, so I thought I would try something new. I signed up, took all their endless personality tests, and posted the best pictures I could find of me. I spose I should have posted the “pork-n-beans” picture, but I was at work when I was setting this all up. (insert innocent look here)

So I get all of these matches sent to me. I check them out excited at the possibility that one of these men “may be the one” according to the commercials on TV. I am disappointed to find out that eHarmony apparently thinks my perfect match is a midget. I’m not THAT picky when it comes to dating these days. However, I do require the men I date to be at least my height. Honestly I would prefer they be at least 6′ tall, but I’d settle for 5′9″ if I had to. When I am in heels I like to look up at the man I am kissing not down. Is that so much to ask eHarmony? IS IT?! I think not! After weeding out the plethora of vertically challenged men, I finally find one that may work. I go through the first step. This is where “Anthony” and I are introduced to one another. I can have a tiny bit of info about him, yet he has selected that his pictures not be seen until further into the communication stages. That’s ok, I am not THAT shallow. The next stage is the communication stage. That is where you both get the joy of answering 5 closed ended questions that are multiple choice. I answered his, he answered mine, and so far so good. The next section in communication is the must haves/cant stands. I list mine, and he lists his. I am reading through his and notice that he can’t stand overweight people. Now I don’t weigh 400lbs, and live in Hawaiian print dresses and eat bon bons all day, but I am slightly overweight. I may be “fluffy” as the kindergarten crew from work calls me, but I am still really sexy, and I have a lot to offer someone. A male friend of mine recently told me I am the whole package and a man would be crazy not to want to go out with me. It’s too bad I am not attracted to that friend… So now as I sit here writing this I wonder, do I close the “match”? Should I let him get to the rest of the stages and then meet me and see that I may be a great person? Will I always have that doubt in my head that he thinks I am sexy since he “can’t stand overweight people”? I personally think I should close the match on the sole basis that he “can’t stand mean people”. I believe I can fall into that category when provoked… And so far I haven’t even talked to this “match” and I am feeling rather provoked to be mean to him.

So far every man I have met on the internet has been a complete jerk. I would rather meet a guy in a bar and give him my number, to never have him call. I mean you expect it… But after endless hours of typing and getting to know someone, going out and having a great time why does a man just suddenly fall off the planet? If we aren’t a good match in your opinion fine, then just say so it’s not like I am going to drive off a cliff with a note pinned to my chest that it was all your fault for deciding I wasn’t your type after one date. Man up, have some integrity and just make a quick phone call. I promise it won’t hurt.

Everywhere I went today I saw happy little couples, which inspired this posting….Today I took my kids to the local 4th of July parade, and it was a nice time even though it felt as if it were 900 degrees outside. Since I am divorced and not currently dating anyone that puts me in the single category (by the way I have been in this non-dating mode for the last 7 months). Most days I don’t mind. I have a great job that keeps me super busy. I have two great kids, and some wonderful friends. Today, however, it bothered me. All around me these
happy little couples were holding hands, and some were even dressed in matching 4th of July garb. (Insert gagging noise here)

I couldn’t even bring myself to attend the usual fireworks display at the beach. I knew everywhere I looked there would be happy little (sunburned valley people) all snuggled up in their blankets ooohing and aaahing over the pretty little lights. I just kept telling myself I was tired, and had to work in the morning so I should stay home.

Like I said most days I am perfectly happy being single as I know that God will let me know when I meet the right man(emphases on the word man). Being single can even have it’s advantages. I can sleep in the middle of my bed if I want. I don’t have to share the remote with anyone. I can eat an entire box of candy in one sitting if I wanted to (even though I never have) and no one would know. So why is it one silly little holiday where you dress up in the most unflattering color combinations, can make me wish so much that I was one half of a couple?

Tomorrow is July 5th, no one will dress in matching clothes and the men I work with make me want to remain single forever…and everything with be all better.