The Ice Palace

At some point in our lives we are all going to move. You may move across town, or you may meet that special someone via blogland, and move half way around the country for him/her. I have taken it upon myself to educate the bloglandians of the world so that when they call their local moving company they are prepared.

Most people don’t realize how a moving company works. They think that we just hire a bunch of beefy college guys, buy some trucks and roll out to your house load up and go. Well, Not so much.

I have created this helpful guide to moving:

~ Moving companies are locally owned agents for a major Van Line such as northAmerican, United, Global, Wheaton, and Allied. When you are looking for a mover call a mover in YOUR AREA. Don’t call someone in the city you are moving TO, as this WILL NOT save your cheap ass any money, and will not help your move go smoothly, in fact since your agent will NOT be local, it will usually cause more problems.

~ Any move over 100 miles is based on the weight of your household goods plus the mileage from point A to point B. This means an estimater has to come out to your house(ALMOST ALWAYS FOR FREE) and take a look at what you have. DO NOT call your local agent and ask for a “Ball park figure” because without seeing what you have…it won’t be anywhere close to what you will actually pay. If a mover won’t come see you, do you REALLY want all your stuff on their trucks? Don’t be a lazy ass, get a visual estimate!

~ PLAN AHEAD! In most cases you know you are moving well in advance of your move. Give your local agent as mush time as possible to come out for an estimate, get all your paperwork in order, and book your move. If you call me and ask me to move you from California to Florida tomorrow I will laugh out loud at your slacker ass on the phone, because yeah um that’s not going to happen no matter what van line you call. However, don’t call me in March asking me to book your move in August. You shouldn’t call anymore than 60 days in advance, as rates change frequently.

~ DO NOT complain about the price of the move, when it’s based on weight, and you own 15,000 VHS Movies, 13,000 books, and 2 gun safes. Have a yard sale you pack rat! Cartons weigh more than furniture!

~ If you pack your own crap, and it gets broke…Boo hoe….Listen to the professionals when they tell you to pack your dishes in dish packs instead of a Budweiser box that has sat out in the rain all night.

~ Check out the local agent you are moving with, if your ass is too lazy to drive by their warehouse and check out their trucks, their office, and their crew, then you deserve to get some broken down trucks, and crew. I actually had a shipper call me once thinking we had moved them(and we hadn’t…) when I asked what color the truck was that moved them(since they had no idea the name of the moving company that took all of their wordily possessions away) they said they didn’t go out and look. Dumb.

~ I suggest you keep in touch with your local agent as your move date gets closer, but just because you sold your table lamp does not mean we are going to drive all the way back out to your house to give you a new estimate. Trust me, it’s NOT going to make a difference in the weight of your shipment. Don’t call your agent 10 times a day, “JUST to make sure everything is still on”…It’s annoying, you have become a pest, and will be labeled a “FREAK SHIPPER”.

My Moving crew would also like me to include the following:

If you have pets clean up after them before your crew arrives, poop is NOT fun to work in.
(also keep your pets away from the movers, they are just in the way, NOT CUTE)

Clean up your trashy ass house before they get there. Your crew should not have to work in filth just because you live like that. (Why ARE you living like that?—GROSS)

Please pack your own sex toys…Your crew may laugh at the fact that your big giant black dildo is out on the bed, but they don’t want to touch it.

Be ready to move on your moving day…You should be packed, dressed, and prepared to roll when the crew gets there. They don’t want to see you in your Scooby Doo PJ’s Mr. Smith.

No your crew WILL NOT re-plant your trees at destination, move giant boulders, take your house plants, or help you drain your pool.

If people would use common sense(assuming they have it) when using a moving company their move would be a lot easier.
Any Questions?

Apparently SOMEONE, who shall remain nameless, ok I lied…CG…Needs to read my post about “Drunk Dialing“!

I was tired last night. I don’t know why. I got eight hours of sleep the night before. My eyes were hurting, and all I could think about was getting into bed. I told Matilda (Jen B.’s new name) that I was going to bed, and stay as long as you like to watch the Olympics. (because watching hours of people skiing is fun!…Yeah ok not so much) I trudged up my stairs, changed into my shirt I stole from CG while he was in Germany, and snuggled down into my nice warm bed. I had just about gotten to sleep when of course…just as Matilda predicted…CG called me. Any OTHER time I would have been thrilled to hear from him, however this was NOT the case last night. I hadn’t heard from him all day, thinking he was working, so I wasn’t really all that worried about it. I answered the phone I knew he had, in fact, been working…on quite a buzz.

Debi: Hello…

CG: Hiyaz…

Debi: Oh Geez.

CG: Whatsamatter?

Debi: You are Drunk.

CG: Noooo I am justalittle buzzed thas all. It was fitycentbeer night ata bar, and I got drunk, and puked, and now Iamallbuzzed again.

Debi: Um..Yeah ok, that was smart.

CG: I got fired today!

Debi: WHAT?!? What did you do now?

CG: Isonly for one days…We went througha red signal *hiccup*

Debi: Great…so um what time did you start drinking?

CG: 4:30ish I think I dunno I got fireds today *hiccup* I didn’t call you because my phone wasona charger at home, cause it was dead *hiccup*

Debi: u huh. Yes, I heard a rumor…okkk well I am gonna go now(my best Office Space voice)

CG: Why dontcha wanna talks to me anymore? I hadabadday I got fired today!

Debi: I read that some place…Um you are drunk and I am tired.

Then he went on and on about being fired (from what I understand it’s only one day), wiggling worms & corn, and how drunk he was. When I asked him where his truck was, he said he THOUGHT it was outside….Genius I tell ya…GENIUS. I was in no mood to deal with his drunk ass dialing…I wanted to scream SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! However, I ended the conversation there, cause I am nice like that. (Stop laughing Matilda!)

I need a drink….